Saturday, August 9, 2008

airing out



because sometimes you just feel... heavy.

like you've been sitting submerged in a small pool, fully clothed, soaking up all the water until it's just you and the bottom of a plastic, blue circle.

you attempt to get up, to stand upright, but to your surprise, you can't. the weight of your saturated clothes holds you down.

because sometimes ... you just need to either shed the heavy layers, or wring that ish out until it's light enough for you to move.

because ... sometimes you just need to air dry in the sun, quiet your thoughts and just hear yourself breathe in and out.

because sometimes .... you just need a break.


hope you all are fab and flyy for next couple of weeks.

... i'll be working on me.

*smiles*


***breaking news***


new chapter up over on the fiction side of things. so feel free to read up on Ata's latest. i will try to put a new chapter up at least once a week going forward.

thanks everyone for reading. now stop complaining. lol.

Friday, August 8, 2008

all i wanna know is ...



WHY is your MAYOR in JAIL!!!!






omg i've seen it all.

and yes, he's YOUR mayor.

cause my I.D. says westland. lol.

i'm done. i'm just done.


kwame keeps forgetting where and who he is apparently.

first he violates his bond.

and then i have to read about him roughing up a police officer? really?

come on now, kwame.

and then when your lawyer advices you NOT to say anything, you get up and make a whole darn speech. sorry it didn't work out for you, kwame.

i couldn't help but stare in disbelief at the television yesterday.

detroit, who already has a bad enough reputation, who is finally becoming a beautiful city, has its leader standing before a judge and getting jailed.

good lawd.

that just goes to show, you can take the mayor out the hood...




and in other news...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my mommy!!!!

love you mommy. muah.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

i am not my hair... but if i was i'd be flyy. lol.


on a hot day in detroit, a group of young black women around 18-20 enter the local beauty supply store, chattering about who's kid was bad, what dress they're wearing to the club tonight, and how one of their nails needs to be redone.

i enter shortly after them, wearing my typical summer outfit of shorts, american eagle flip-flops, and a tank top. my hair has been washed and left to do what it may. it's chosen state is a curly/kinky/twirly/wavy type fro thing. i walk to the aisle that holds the conditioner i came in to get, humming beyonce's remake of wishing on a star, which happens to be my musical obsession right now, when i'm not listening to anthony david, of course.

two of the girls stop talking, eye me up and down, check out my french pedicure. follow it all the way up to my fro. i'm feeling good, having a good day, so i offer a small smile. only one half-smiles back.

as i walk past, i hear one of them say "her hair is so cute."

i'm guessing it's the one who smiled. seeing as though my aisle is close to where they are all standing checking out different textures of braiding hair to get, i can pretty much hear all they say.

another one immediately responds. "yeah it is. but she probably got some kinda curl, or texturizer in it to make it do that."

yet another adds, "whatever. that is a fro. i wish i would be out in public looking like that."

i turn my head. look at them. a few of them snicker.

"that's why she heard your loud ass." one says.

"i don't care. she know she look a hot ass mess. curl or not, that sh*t ain't poppin."

i look at them again, then turn and walk further down the aisle, away from them.

at the door, a guy walks in. young guy, about 19 or so. he looks at the women as he walks by, glances at a behind or two once he passes them. they all stare him down amorously. he's a little cutie. way too young for me, but still, cute. he comes down my aisle, smiles at me.

"i like your hair." he says as he passes.

i smile. "thank you."

the girls are instantly a chorus of rolling eyes.

when i make my way up to the counter, the asian lady ringing me up studies my head, hard.

"what kind of hair is that?" she says, squinting and leaning to get a better look.

"umm, natural? this is my hair..." i say, a little confused.

"noo no. that's not your hair. that's your hair?" the lady says, still studying.

"yep." i say. "i just don't have a perm. that's all."

"wow. that's so beautiful!! i wish my hair could do that. we pay good money for our hair to be like that." she says, speaking of the afro perms i''ve seen that are so popular in korea.

i smile, say thank you.

two of the girls from the group are behind me, listening and waiting to be checked out.

i turn to leave the beauty supply after paying, glad my good mood wasn't ruined by those girls. before i can make it out the door, one of them stops me.

"excuse me, what do you use in your hair? how long did it take you to get it like that?"

i tell her what products i use, give her some healthy hair info, and write down nappturality.com on a piece of paper for her. she gratefully takes it and compliments my curly/twirly/kinky/wavy fro.

i walk out, humming wishing on a star, and thinking that i just might have converted one.

go nappy girls, go.

haha.


hope all is fab and flyy people.

Monday, August 4, 2008

random ish: it's nothing but words...


* i love this picture. doesn't it look cool? work it mama. hahaha.

* volleyball has officially started, and i'm drained already. between camp and practice and pictures and parents and physicals, i can't breathe. and OH LORD the girls text me like it's going out of style. whew. i still love them though. lol.

* i did a photoshoot with my friend (shout out to Art!) the other day... and i pretty much impressed myself! lol. he's in school in wisconsin and was only here for a week but needed some shots for his portfolio (can you imagine the really skinny guy in HS growing into this buff model? hilarious.) so i volunteered cause hey, i need some shots for my portfolio too. so far i've officially done three great photoshoots. i'm awesome. friends that let you take pictures of them are awesomer. lol.

* i'm very emotionally drained. i need a V8, like something serious. lol.

* i have finally found the perfect combination of products that my hair is in love with. and that makes me happy. :=) V05 tea therapy conditioner = heaven sent.

* i think i'm in need of a blog break. seems to be spreading throughout the blogosphere. even though i did kind of take one last week with my one post (it was a friggin awesome post though, wasn't it? i am in love with that mind spill. so soft and imperfect. who wouldn't want that kind of love?), but still, i feel the need coming on. it's all just too much to keep up with right now. plus ...

* there is something inside me that is drawn to troubled souls. no, seriously. i think it's my unexplainable need to help. and learn. i like to understand. i like to talk to them and experience the inner workings of their minds. it's pretty remarkable how people can experience such horrors and still come out a beautiful person on the other end. i think that's why my characters all have some internal conflict, i like uncovering the damages and mending them. lol.

* my father recently taught me how to make a perfect steak. no matter how you like it-- medium rare, rare, well-done, medium well--i can do it all! PLUS, i can make a killer greek salad now. thank you daddy-o! i would post the video but umm no. but anyhoo, whooo hooo for Muze gaining you-need-to-wife-me-up points! hahaha.

* i want an iphone. so bad. the new one. so so so bad. my stepmother just got one and it is soooo friggin sweet. and only 200 bucks. i NEED it in my life. and yes, she already has my blog saved in her favorites. cause i'm flyy like that. lol. was weird seeing my blog so little though. that phone though, so awesome. i want it. so if anyone feels like being nice... i'm taking donations. lolol.

* so i've decided i'm moving in november or december. after i get my stipend for volleyball i'm just going to pack up and hit the road. wherever the wheels take me is where i'm going. ... the wheels will most likely take me to atlanta. or california. both places have more than a few people i know, and both places have warm weather, most importantly. lol. all i want is to look outside and not see snow on my birthday. february 14th is the date, write it down. lol. so... we'll see. i can't wait. a fresh start is exactly what i need, no question about it.

* "i don't know if i ever loved him, really. i was young but i think now that i was younger than i should have been, for my age. if you see what i mean. anyway, i know i wasn't woman enough to help the man, to give him what he needed."

this is an excerpt from the book 'if beale street could talk', by the great james baldwin. made me think. really made me think. i've met plenty of young women who have experienced waaaay too much. who have had way too 'hard' of a life, and it shows, in their behavior, their language, and their perspectives on life. i worry sometimes that i may be just the opposite. is there such a thing as too innocent? too untainted? i wonder. i've been told i need to experience more. i've been called naive. but what makes one 'woman enough'?

sometimes i think that is the beauty of me. other times i think it is ultimately the reason why my life ends up taking the interesting turns that it does. lol.

* i want a yorkshire terrier. omg they are just the cutest things on the planet. this customer at the bank always brings his in and she's just so little and cute. too bad they cost like $1500... and there's no WAY i'm spending that much on a dog right now, period. lol. one day though... one day.

* i believe that, heaven must be like this
ray of sunshine, kiss upon your skin
just say you love me.... make my day go good.
pot of gold at the, end of the rainbow...

i believe that, love is synonymous
with heaven, such a sensual bliss
the way you touch me, makes this life so good
a reward at the, end of the long road...

can't tell you nothing you ain't already heard...
no matter what i say, it's nothing but words
just let me prove to you what i know is real...
let me express to you the way that i feel...

fairy tales can be, real if you just believe
got my mind made... i don't plan to leave
cause you are meant for me, simple that may be
why be complex, loving you is so easy...

^^ verses (all of them. lol) from my most favoritest song on the planet right now. 'words' by anthony david featuring india arie. touches me. man i love it. love it love it love it. lol. such a supertastic song.

guess that's all.

hope all is fab and flyy!

Monday, July 28, 2008

short fiction blurb...read and enjoy. lol.

i told him i loved him today.

it tickled my ears to hear my slightly shaky voice whisper into his. tickled my fancy to know just how much i meant it, too.

i love him.

every. single. inch.

he smiled, that heavenly and sometimes mischievous look he gets when he knows he has a secret that no one else knows.

except everyone knows i love him. they knew even before i knew. or at least before i was willing to admit it.

he looked satisfied, yet hungered for more. wanted me to feed him syrupy words until his ears melted.

and i did.

fed him my sugary sweet fantasies of he and i experiencing our rocket love, except unlike stevie, we wouldn't stop. we wouldn't drop. he'd never drop me.

i took his hands in mine. beautiful hands. hands no one other than God's own secret garden could have constructed. such detailed beauty. down to his hands.

he hated when i called him beautiful. but what other word could be used to describe such a magnificent specimen? if he was not beauty's definition, then such a thing did not exist.

brown eyes pooling softly, two melted chocolate drops wrapped in a blanket of white. pristine white. as if they never saw even the smallest billow of smoke or the restlessness of a bad night's sleep.

rested and peaceful. everything about him was rested. and peaceful.

his skin was unlike any i'd ever seen. and i'm one that pays attention to the small things. the little dips, moles, tags, pimples, freckles. he has none. a beautiful canvas of brown, his skin is. smooth sailing, no interruptions, as soft and as smooth as the day he was born in it.

that's impressive. and effortless.

he brought my favorite face closer, kissed the bronze skin of my shoulder.

he always said my shoulder, my left shoulder, had character. it was sassy.

i'd laugh, give him the arduous job of explaining how a shoulder could have anything but an arm attached.

his response was always something to the effect of it being between he and my shoulder. well, my left shoulder. my right one was quite bland, he would say naturally, as if we were talking about a boring coworker of his.

god, i loved him.

so much of myself went into this union, this pairing of two troubled hearts, two confused minds. so much. i would travel. travel so much that my traveling began paying for my traveling in the form of frequent flyer miles.

he never really had a home. here, there, and on your couch was his regular residency.

and so i traveled.

wherever his heart led him, he'd be there a week later. his whimsical ideas would explode one atom at a time, lighting up his brain waves until he could no longer sit still. he had to DO. always doing. teaching. motivating. learning. helping.

i was dating a genius. i knew it too, way back then. from the first day his not-too-tall frame came into focus through the brown of my irises. i knew.

to see genius manifested in the flesh is a substantial event.

to be loved by it is monumental.

he kissed my shoulder again, whispered something to it in that dark voice he sometimes uses when he's feeling particularly frisky.

his hands, his beautiful hands, moved along deliberately, carefully, examining every square of exposed flesh peeking out of my summer outfit. bright orange tank. blue jean shorts. hair messily flowing down my back.

the 'grow out' he called it. that frustrating stage when your hair is neither straight nor curly. that stage.

"you smell like paradise." he said, burying the bottom half of his face in the top of my crown, his hands still traveling my landscape.

he had picked out my new smell. ever so often i allowed him to pick my scent, any scent, that made him absolutely have to take a second whiff. a plot to never go a day without that subtle kiss from the two plush lips occupying that beautiful space on his face.

he could never come near my neck without meeting it with soft, butterfly kisses. they usually traveled down the unusually long length of it, then back up to my mouth, which eagerly awaited his final destination.

if it was the right connection at the right moment, which it usually was, that kiss would turn into an all out passionate, sometimes steamy, love scene.

all from a scent.

this time it was purple rain.

i laughed when he showed up at the checkout counter with the raindrop-shaped glass bottle full of deep purple liquid. he laughed too, shrugged his shoulders. said he couldn't possibly pass up a bottle of perfume named after one of the greatest songs ever created by one of the greatest artists to ever create.

we laughed together. a lot. i liked it.

one of his most endearing qualities was his ability to extract the most genuine laugh from the furthest depths of me, even on the darkest of my days.

actually, i think it might have been the most endearing quality.

to always be able to look forward to a smile in someone is a powerful thing.

a very powerful thing.

i leaned forward, met his soft lips with my own pillowy pair. if such a thing as heaven existed, it was here. we were there. in this moment.

the deep breath that sighed from his being any time we were close like this, always made my heart flutter. sometimes it even stopped for a moment, picked back up when my brain reminded it that i could not live on his touch alone.

oh, but how sweet that would be. to be nourished and enlivened by his fingers, his mouth, his mmm...

oh, how sweet that would be.

we made love that would make the movies envious. his thirst, his hunger for me was unlike anything i'd ever experienced. we exchanged souls, then traded them back fervorously. falling in and out of utopian streams of consciousness, we danced among the stars, our own private tango filling the beat. i was his addiction. his love drug. and he mine.

cause you know, we were both unequivocally ...dope.


** this was just a blurb of fiction i wrote during one of my many mind spills. lol. i was going to add to this and turn it into a short story... but i don't know.

all opinions are greatly appreciated.

thanks!

hope all is fab and flyy!