the poorness

i am broke.

broke. broke. broke.

hate to open the blog back up with such depression, but after carefully assessing my finances this morning, i have discovered the horrible truth that i am broke.

i hate that ish, too.

what do you do when the person that birthed you, that you love dearly, that is one of your best friends, has drowned you in debt and is constantly adding more effing water to the pool?

how do you handle that?

... cause i don't know how.

and it's starting to piss me off.

the return of random ish ...

* so i'm officially back to being a curly q head. lol. i rocked the straight, flat-ironed look for about a month and a half ... but it was time to go back to being Natural Muze. ahhh ... freedom. lol. wash, shake, and go. gotta love it.

* i know i'm like years late, but how about i am obsessed with The Wire now? little brother has all the seasons on dvd and i've been watching them for the last three days or so. it's like crack i tell you! and mm mm mm! all i have to say is Idris. Elba. whew. lord. i swear i'd give that man babies. lol. so gangsta. i love it.

* i've been a bad blogger as of late. haven't really had a chance to go blog browsing and read some of my favorite people ... so i apologize for the lack of comments. mind has been elsewhere. mostly on my writing. trying to get 'Operation Quit That Dang Bank Job and Just Write' off the ground. lol. -sidebar- if anyone has a writing gig that they think i would be interested in ... holla! lol.

* i love my little brother. i swear i do. how about he just got this GINORMOUS tattoo in memory of my late angel (daughter) Briyanna. see how big it is? wowza. he's insane. lol. it's an angel holding a baby... and it says her name, birth, and death date. and now i feel all sorts of pressure to get one. will NEVER have one that big though, no way.

* i was supposed to go on a month-long exodus around the country this summer, but that plan was backed up and jacked up by recent events in my life. i can't spend any money now because i'm moving into a house with two of my bestest friends. ...and i have to get a car. boooo to spending money. yay to having my own ish! whew.

* i went to see The Incredible Hulk on father's day. daddy treated though, so i can't say i took him per se, lol, but still ... we had fun. it was really good! and that is sooooo not anything i would EVER go to the movies and see, but i was very impressed. favorite part: dude (who would become Abomination later on) is fighting with the Hulk. Hulk is pissed. lol. dude says, "That all you got?" ... and Hulk proceeds to kick the DOG ISH out of him. hurls him all the way across the field and into a tree. i don't think i've laughed that hard in a LONG while. lol.

* sad face :-( at me missing Obama when he came monday. i had to work, and i had full intentions on going ... but when i got off and called a friend who was down there, she said it was already PACKED and had been for quite a while. i think she got pics though ... so we will see. and can i just say i heart Michelle Obama? she is truly the definition of a strong, intelligent, supportive black woman. no wonder Barack made it this far. lol.

* i might catch flack for this, but i think Jay-Z and Beyonce are the cutest couple ever. seriously. i was watching a show on them the other day (can you imagine i spent a whole hour in 'crazy in love' land? blame it on little sister #1. lol) and they look like they are so in love. with some couples you can just tell it's a farce. but they seem real. age difference doesn't matter, looks don't matter (at least not to B) and together they are worth almost 1 billion dollars. whew. got to love it. i actually developed a little Jay crush while i was watching it, which if you know me ... is shocking. lol. i like his swagger. he's very cool. i can see why B would want him. i can see it.

* i just read somewhere that honesty is the sexiest gift a man can give a woman. i partly agree. even more sexy is when a man who appears to be one way to the world (hard, mean, cold, thuggish, gangster, cruel) is a completely different person when it comes to the woman he loves. sigh. i love it. feels like you have a secret part of them that no one else has. my friend said i have a twisted way of thinking. lol. whatever. i think that's hot. lol.

* i love the summertime. i'm all bronzed and beautiful. yay! can i just say thank you to the sun? lol.

* i went to the Festival of the Arts the other day and got THE most gorgeous crocheted earrings ever. there is a whole post coming up on that though, i took far too many interesting pictures not to. i also got some emu-oil lotion called Dragon's Blood. yes, Dragon's Blood. it actually smells really good and made me really soft. once you get over the name, you're good. lol.

* i HATE rumors. especially false rumors. if you want to know something about me, ask me. i will give you an honest answer. other than that, keep my name out of your fiction. please.


welp, there's more (of course) but i will not bore you all with the tragic details of my life any further. so ... hope all is fab and flyy! *smiles*

the first man i ever loved

he was the first man i ever loved.

the first and only man who completely took my heart and loved me unconditionally.

always told me i was the most beautiful girl in the world.

and i believed him. because he believed it.

he wasn't perfect in any sense. and even though he may not be the 'average' father, he was always the best in my eyes.

growing up, each weekend i would look forward to packing my bags and seeing that gray cadillac pull up. anxiously i'd sit in the big living room bay window and stare out at that space in front of our little brick house, waiting for any trace of the one man who held my heart.

he always showed up too.

i never understood the concept of a daddy not being there, cause mine always was. never had to have my mother explain that daddy was 'busy' or that he 'tried to make it'.

he was always there.

he was always there.

his favorite greeting; "heeyyyy my baby."

i would respond "heyyyy my daddy."

as i got older and the teen-aged days caused things to sprout up in womanly places, he would grimace every time i came over his house for the weekend, my standard uniform of a belly shirt and jeans adorning my body.

"i see i'm gonna have to kill somebody over you, my baby."

i'd just laugh.

and of course we had our rough patches. the indignation so characteristic of the teen years sometimes caused little riffs, a little lipping off. even a separation.

but, girls need their daddies. he knew this.

and he came back. as if nothing had ever happened, i was back to being the daddy's girl i always was.



now that i've reached the age of bills and rent, it feels good that i can still call myself a 'daddy's girl'.

when i need to vent, cry, laugh, discuss an important decision, or just get something off my chest, he is there.

the only man who has ever loved me unconditionally.

the only man who ever will.

the only man who has never broken my heart.

and the only man who never will.



so on father's day, i just want to say to the first man i ever loved ...

i love you, daddy.

now and always.

...and to all the other fathers out there in blogland...

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.

you are appreciated.

obama is coming to detroit monday!!!

whooo hoooo!

can't wait to hear this man in person.

father's day post coming tomorrow.

the pics alone will make it worth it.

ha!

i've been DYING laughing at some of the oldie but goody pics i've come across.

whew. i've got a cramp.

lmao.

mind spilling

not much to speak on today. so i'll just mind spill ...

i've been feeling a little down lately. but i am positive my happiness will be greatly increasing in the next few weeks and months. i pray.

...it betta get betta. whew.

my wtf moment of the week...

my face. well rather the skin on my face. has been pissing me off. breaking out. i'm 26 years old. what the hell. ugh. ah well. it will go away. just makes me angry. that's how i KNOW i've been stressing. booooo.

on the up side, little sister #1 and i are going to see kanye TOMORROW. wooooo hoooo!!! operation 'seduce kanye' is still on. lol.

cool story ...

so my mom and little sister #1 called me on speaker phone monday. little sis was screaming with glee in the background.

my mom asked, "are you sitting down?"

i said "no, why?"

mom: "sit down!!"

me: "why?"

mom: "cause i just won you kanye west tickets!!"

me: "huh? don't play with my heart. seriously. that is just cruel."

-sidebar- when i said i was going to the kanye concert, i was purchasing them that day. thing is, only seats i was willing to pay for were waaay far. the ones closer to the stage (but still very very far away) were unreasonably priced, so i was a little depressed that i'd have a nosebleed during the concert.

-resume-

little sis#1: "noooo! she is serious!! *screams* i can't wait!!! ohmygod what are you going to wear?? this is gonna be so much fun!!!"

me: "so ya'll are serious? like for real?"

mom: "yes! they asked on the radio why you deserved to go to the concert and i told them and i won! they're really good seats too!!"

me: *screams like a little kid* "you are sooo the best mom ever in life. ever."


so yeah, i'm going. and i won't have a nosebleed. yay. now to find a way to sneak my camera in. there's no way i'm not getting some pics. me thinks i will hide it with my 'goodies'. lol. they try to check there and i'll scream harassment. ha!

and yesterday, my mom informed me that a friend of a friend just gave her floor seats to the celtics/pistons game on saturday. and i'm going to that also. yay.

how cool am i?

random...

have you ever watched a real life love story unfold? it's a pretty awesome thing to witness.

guess i'm not too old after all.

since i was around seventeen or eighteen, my friends have been trying to get me to do it.

i'd laugh, promise i would with the next bold friend that went, and then i'd be 'busy' when the day finally came. or i'd be sick. or hanging with my boyfriend, or something that would prevent me from having to keep my word.

i was scared.

and i know it was only a five second discomfort at most, but i still wasn't with it. when i reached age 21, again, my friends, although college friends this time, tried to get me to go through with it.

never happened. i was so chicken it wasn't even funny.

and i've been perfectly okay with never having that experience. ever. never needed to put on a swimsuit or some little top and reveal it for the world to see. never had that urge. always thought it was cute, but that's as far as my admiration went. period.

all that changed yesterday.

on a whim, little sister number 1 called me, no actually sent me a text, that said 'let's go get our belly buttons pierced today!'

i thought it was a joke. told her maybe tomorrow or thursday. her reply was 'noooo. today!'

and the rest is history folks.



26 and my first time getting my navel pierced. the things a big sister will do, i tell you. especially considering that her's didn't hurt in the slightest and mine, with the thick skin above my navel, almost killed me. lol.



seriously. when she was piercing my sister, the needle slid through, no problem. mine however, almost got stuck and she had to try several times to get it through the top layer of my skin. i of course, knew this, which is one of the reasons i have never gotten it done.



of course, bf captured the whole experience on camera. we're such dorks. i was video taping and he was snapping pics with his professional lens. you'd have thought beyonce was making an appearance at Ink Addiction. lol.





but ahh well. it's here. it's cute. bf loves it, and i feel 18 again. lol.







hope all is fab and flyy.